A Letter To My Girl-Friend

Friendship is a story that chances a beginning each time two strangers interact and click with each other. Our tale is not like those. We started chatting, we met, but we never really ended up becoming "good friends". You were busy with whatever was happening in your life and I had different priorities in mine. And then, on that fated night, you called. I don't think even you knew back then that that phone conversation would change a lot of equations in our life! We were up the whole night, talking on the phone, and since then - we haven't stopped!

You are the one person who knows most of my secrets - the only one who knows all my fears, my desires, the one I trust to keep all my secrets safe - and I know all my secrets are safe with you. I have no inhibitions even sharing those thoughts with you that might make others label me as, perhaps, weird. You may not be non-judgmental at all times but it's alright - sometimes, I need to hear the truth, no matter how hard it may seem. You are someone with whom I can gossip for hours and I love the fact that you listen to me even when I am telling you about people who you do not know at all.

Life is not a bed of roses and our relationship has never been free of thorns. There are times when I have felt that we are growing apart. I have rationalized that it isn't anybody's fault and we are just different people headed in different directions.  But then something happens at work and I start to laugh. My colleagues look at me and wonder what's wrong. At that time, I miss you because I know you would know why I was laughing and join me! With the passage of time, we have so many inside jokes that our friendship has developed a secret code of its own - sometimes we can simply look at each other, not say a word, and just start cracking up leaving those watching us perplexed and miffed. Even when I am not with you, there are times when I see something and immediately think of you. It is a reflex action to just dial your name on my phone and tell you all about my day - not many things register as actual experiences unless I have shared them with you.

Changes can be rough. With you by my side, I believe I might be able to survive all the major changes that life will throw my way and I promise to always hold your hand and walk by  your side when life is being a rocky ride for you. After all, friendship is all about being there for your friend - so whether you need my help while you are nursing a broken heart or whether you need me to take care of you while you've returned home drunk, I shall do the needful because I know you would do the same for me.

I have always been a social butterfly but there are very few people who are included in my innermost circle of friends. You are, probably, the only girl in that intimate circle - If today I believe that every girl needs a girl-friend by her side, it is only because of your presence in my life. I love the way we finish each other's sentences and know how the other one is feeling by a simple glance at her face. Our friendship has been put to test quite a few times but each time, it has survived because neither of us is ready to give up on the other person and on the bond that we share.  Thank you for being such an integral part of my life. I genuinely hope that we shall be friends till the end!

The End

Every night, I dream of being awoken drowsy on a late night call from you, buzzing just to say, "I miss you." Each day passes by with me hoping to receive a text from you, simply asking, "How are you?" Getting over you is going to be harder than I thought because I never laugh the way I laughed with you. There is nowhere for me to completely surrender myself into a crazy serenity. Surprisingly, no pain has made me cry more than the pain I felt when I took a step back and you just allowed me to walk away. Earlier, I used to cry thinking only about the precious time we spent together which will never return. These days, I feel that time itself has gone.

What do I miss more? The drowning sun, to a sultry night, where you were the moon to light? Or the crowning glory of a failed cause where you were my pillar to lean? You were always there when I was in a bad mood. I have nowhere to go now.

Sometimes, I blame myself. I should never have let my fingers let go of yours! I wish I still had the right to call  you mine. These days, I feel like a criminal each time your name tries to surface on my lips. It's a pity that while fingers are allowed to lose their grip, memories continue to live till time and beyond.

People say that broken hearts are often mended while there are others that remain bruised. I am not sure if the shattered pieces of my broken heart can ever be recovered. If by chance, someone does collect those wrecked pieces, what will happen if my heart is broken again? It is extremely hard for me to tolerate the pain now; will I ever be able to bear it again should similar circumstances repeat themselves?

I wonder for quite some time about what I should do. Finally, I have the solution! I am going to rip my heart out. Then, I shall shut it in a little black box and lock it with a key. I will bury the box in the ground and then row a boat to the deepest point of the ocean. There, I will throw the key and never look back. Someday, the key may wash ashore and someone might find it. But there is no way the key will find its way back to me! Even if it does come back, it shall not matter. The key will be useless by then as the little box which contained my heart would have powdered into five elements and perished. I will walk around with a big hole in my chest but I will never be in pain. I will be a coward but I will be okay.

For Suns That Never Set

The moon, no longer, looks beautiful. Tonight, it just seems to leave a mark on the clear, sunken sky. The rustling leaves which earlier whispered sweet melodies now give forlorn tunes. I continue to walk down the familiar path but it seems to take me longer than usual. Am I walking in circles?

I try chasing the shadows. Amidst the hazy labyrinth, one image stands clear - an echo of laughter tears my misty eyes. The sound of a delightful cry draws up a smile on my lips. My flailing hands try to trap the figure but it just disappears;  yet another failed attempt by rusted strings to savour a blistered song.

I decide to take a walk on the beach. I pick a handful of sand and hope that one grain will be you. The grains of sand are simply misbehaving! Perhaps you are here, slipping through my fingers, yet again.

It starts to rain. I watch the drops fall down on me, slithering through the branches of the tree under which I stand. The droplets entice me into remembering you when you tickled and teased me, to finally dry into oblivion, yet again.

You loved collecting rocks and stones. As the rain stops, almost as suddenly as it had begun, I pick up an interesting looking pebble. You cannot escape me now! But my embrace is not returned. Happiness can indeed be unfair! I can see the creases, smiling faintly, not responding to me, yet again.

Floundering around the muddy road, I find myself in a maze of roses. No matter how hard I try, it isn't easy getting rid of the scent of our memories. Roses were my favourite flowers; and each time you got me a red rose, with the fragrance of the flower, I somehow associated your smell. I stare at the loveliest rose in the garden. It looks so inviting! I don't need to be gifted roses when I can pick them up  for myself! But alas! The pricking thorns of the flower just force me out, yet again.

Finally admitting defeat, I storm back home. But this time, I meet a gush of breeze, tripping over, resisting to smile. The freshness reeks of you! You have come here as well! I just grasp the air and inhale. With each deep breath, I place you in me, and fall in love with you, yet again.